Hi guys!
That's if anyone still reads this blog, that is. :X
Doesn't matter anyway, I just felt that I needed to "pen down my thoughts".
Today is the 24th of June, 2012.
And like the last time I blogged, everything has changed so much.
The 3 week holiday is over (and honestly it just was NOT long enough)
and school is reopening. ;(
Waking up early in the morning at like 6.00am for 8.00 classes?
Argh. I'd rather not.
But oh well, for the sake of a good future, I shall do it!
Perhaps I should tape some motivating posters on my wall.
To inspire myself. Ever since last november, I feel like I've lost my drive to really do well.
Which would probably explain the results, even though I've tried my best this term.
Maybe I chose the wrong course.
Sometimes I feel so upset that I can't even mug and work hard, God I wish I could.
But not going to talk too much about that, for I know now that not even on my blog, can too much of my personal life be revealed.
Honestly though if people are going to talk crap, suit yourselves, I couldn't give less of a damn.

Recently I've heard that some people who don't even know me personally seem to be judging me & how I might potentially behave.
And that's the main point of this post.
If you don't even know me, please do not make comments about my personal life you don't even know.
Sometimes I feel like even my closest friends don't understand me.
People say I've changed, that I now behave more "wildly" than last time and you guys imply that I don't take relationships seriously, that I'm rebellious and don't care about studying, etc.
How would you guys know anything if you don't know me?
I don't take relationships seriously?
Please don't be funny.
Just because a person has exes and stuff doesn't mean I'm playing with the feelings of others.
I would never and I still wouldn't.
I would just leave if I was unhappy.
And you don't know a thing about my love life and how many painful nights I've had.
So what, you may think.
I asked for it after all.
Yeah I did.
That's why I have only blamed myself ever for what happened.
Never once anyone else.
Even my own friends and family doubt me.
And I feel so sad that you people don't even understand your own friend, your own daughter.
If I had really changed that much, I would have stayed because there was so much too lose.
I lost not only a person but everything I had worked so hard for to achieve.
Being in dance meant everything to me.
All that effort I'd put in, not just in dance but with dance friends as well, just gone together with the choice I made.
Because I wasn't strong enough to face things then.
Yes, I regret that part.
But I would not have stayed just to avoid losing that.
Is it worth it?
To be disrespected & used & hurt just because you want to hold on to something that means the world to you?
The answer is no.
Because, I know what is best for me is to be with someone suitable for me,
who will make me a priority instead of me having to take a queue number in someone else's life.
That is all I have needed from a relationship.
And this is why.
I'm tired of being in relationships that make me feel like I'm taking a rollercoaster ride.
Up and down, up and down.
I need someone stable to keep me grounded.
Someone who I know will be here when I need him, who will not leave me alone when I'm heartbroken.

When I was heartbroken, were all my "friends" even here for me?
No.
And I don't blame you guys, because I know how much I changed.
From someone always hyper & happy around you guys to some emo person lol.
I understand.
But I see no point in trying to hold on to anything when, when you really need people, all you end up with is just yourself and a bottle of alcohol to help you cry your heart out then have a good sleep.
That's why whenever I see you guys again, I just can't summon up any happiness.
This is why I'd rather lose so much, because I know its nothing much to hold on to anyway.

I just want to thank my family and those few friends who have been here for me through my pain.
Mainly my family, I love you guys. I know I may be hot tempered and stuff, but thank you for putting up with me when I was really down.

And my boyfriend, thank you for being here for me when I need you, for making me important in your life and helping to heal my heart. Hopefully I've been a good girlfriend to you so far, its not been long I know and I can't promise you anything perfect because nothing is perfect in life, but i'll continue to try my best. Screw what others say, they're insignificant anyway, no? =*

Okayyy, enough of my emo-crapping.
Back to updating myself on work.
School! Sighs, good luck to myself on upcoming assignments and to everyone else as well!
No offence to anyone through this post, please don't assume its you I'm referring to if it isn't!

Bye!

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