✿

I just keep realizing it again & again, that i was absolutely shit to you.

I see it everywhere.

I was nothing, & why?

Cause i'm not pretty enough, not popular enough.

Whatever.

I should be glad you're out of my life.

I can't believe it sometimes, you'd rather choose that, than me?

Then why'd you pick me in the first place, if i was never enough.

I wonder if im supposed to be all, oh no, nothing happened, like you?

Not saying im all that great, but didn't you like me?

At least you said you did, but im guessing it was a lie, or you never liked me cause i was, you know, me.

No time?

U're kidding me.

Yeah, i just wasn't good enough to keep you, enough said.

I was never what you wanted, period.

Yeah well, i'll move on just fine and do much better.

I just want to get on with it, & move, which is what i've not been doing.

Why am i not suprised by what you do anymore, is no wonder, i'm so immune to it.

And yet what i see sometimes (like just now) can still be a shock.

Okay, im going to go off now.

I know no matter what i become, no matter how pretty i get, no matter how i "improve" or whatever, i'll never ever be good enough for you cause "me" isn't what you want.

I know that now, when i should've known a long time ago.

❤ "" was Posted On: 9/29/2011 @10:51 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

NEW TRENDS.

Hey guys!

Went shopping with alicia from dance yesterday(:

Had fun talking lots @ starbucks & while eating. We talked for a few hours i think.

Haha. :P

To alicia: It was really nice talking to you if you're reading this yeah(;

Anyway!

We didn't buy anything from yesterday's shopping trip cause we were both trying to "save money".

But im going out later with yl & we are gonna eat subway for lunch!

Muahahha.

I like subway now.

Shocking, no? :PP

Hahaha.

I shall be eating instant noodles for brekkie later.

Evil D:

But i like them. xD

hahas.

Anyway i really need to go & shower now!!

There's still dance tonight so im wondering if i should be wearing my dance shirt to the national library with yiling or just bring something to change.

Hahas.

I'll think about that later i guess.

Oh & will be going to an Art Museum with yiling & her friends tommorow. (cause they've free admission now:D)

Hope it's interesting!

Bye! (:

Nothing's changed, no one can take your place.

And yes, i'm an idiot for saying this.

Love is idiotic, honestly.

I'm really moving on though, i'm not moping at home, i haven't cried.

All i'm trying to say is that sometimes you've just found the best thing you could ever find,

and because of that you feel like no one else could ever make you feel that way again.

Even if it was only for a short time.

I know like many people are telling me it was for such a short time.

But really, i felt like we knew each other for quite long & i was so used to the fact that the person was in my life.

It's like waking up one morning & realizing that something really precious to you is gone.

And slowly you're getting used to it, but you keep having to see the person & you're reminded of it over & over again.

And by saying it out loud makes you immune to it & thus it won't hurt you so much, that's why you say it, because deep down, you say it cause you miss him.

So if anyone is irritated by me always talking about him, im sorry.

I won't say it anymore to you if it's annoying you, because i really don't mean to.

It's just me missing the person really.

Sorry. :(

❤ "NEW TRENDS." was Posted @10:02 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

Nothing much.

I replay it over & over again,

you were my boy now we ain't even friends.

Somehow when i'm at work i tend to think alot.

Thank God today's my last day of work.

And besides some stuff has been happening lately, which has meant i've been doing quite abit of thinking.

I don't want to make the wrong choice regarding the path i gotta take in life.

And despite all my efforts of telling myself to move on & leave you behind i seem to be failing terribly.

I mean i see you, & it sure looks like you've moved on & left me behind.

So why should i even care?

Why should i keep hurting myself everyday, like some fool that can't "get over" things?

I know you're not right for me.

I know i should never have fallen in love with you.

I know that i'm just one big fat moron for even giving a damn.

Everyone tells me i deserve better.

I know things can never go back to the way they were.

I know that probably, i was just one of many other girls you've lied to before.

It really hurts to know i was being played, okay?

If that's what you were doing?

I feel like my heart, is like dead or something.

I feel numb sometimes, & everytime i see you i no longer feel so much.

I just feel empty inside.

I know i'm not as popular as you probably want your girlfriend or whatever to be.

Maybe i didn't give you enough space.

Maybe that's my fault.

What's even the point of saying this now?

There used to be nights that i would just lie in bed before i slept & i wouldn't even know why but i would just start tearing & sometimes i wouldn't even know until i felt a tear wetting my cheek.

Now i don't do that too often, but i hate to say i'm still not over it.

Loser i know.

I really need to slap myself & just wake up already.

Why am i even being so damn dumb?

I should stop thinking so much.

❤ "Nothing much." was Posted On: 9/24/2011 @10:55 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

Leave.

Well, got back results for dance committee yesterday, and im not exactly in.

So yeah, was kindof disappointed.

Quite.

I mean, im truly happy for those who got it and they'll probably do a good job, so congrats(:

I just think its like the more you expect the harder it is when you don't get what you want, especially when you feel like everything in your life has generally gone downwards ever since a certain event or whatever.

And really i'm no sore loser or anything.

If you care about something its natural to be upset, and after so long i guess i don't really care what others think anymore.

People can suit themselves(: I'm not gonna bother trying, now.

And well yeah, after the results yesterday i was still sitting there stupidly and then i was thinking in my head that you were the only one who might be able to make me feel better, but yet the only person who could've cheered me up was the same one who took a knife and stabbed it in my heart.

Yeah, figuratively anyway.

So i just like kept quiet i guess, cause there was nothing much to say.

But anyway, i think i just need to go rethink my priorities, and maybe take a break for awhile to figure out what really is important to me.

I think i've finally realized what mum said when she told me "one more thing is just one more worry." it sounds better in chinese though. xD

It's true, really. Sometimes the more you expect the harder it is for you.

And i think i finally realize that by trying so hard to get that "perfect" life i've always wanted, i've been making myself so unhappy.

I've been trying to live someone else's life, that isn't even mine.

Not that i don't love dance.

I truly do love it & i really did wish that i'd get the position.

But by expecting so much & placing my hopes on my studies, dance & whatever relationships to make me happy i screwed it all up instead.

I think sooner or later i have to come to terms with the few following facts about my life:

1. It is never gonna be perfect.

2. The person i can't seem to move on over has moved on a long time ago, without me.

3. I'm going to keep trying to improve my studies, whether it works or not.

4. I'm not in the committee this year, and it's not sure that i'll be in next year.

Lastly, i've to accept the fact that my life will never be what i want it to be.

I once read this book that they said, this is your life, whether you like it or not.

Take it or leave it.

I guess i just need to reach that stage huh?

It's gonna take awhile.

I'll just have a cool-off period i guess, which i really need.

Anyway, i need to work later (which is contributing to my depression, i may add)

so i'm gonna go eat my breakfast and watch TV (Y) now.

Bye(:

and p.s: if anyone does read this, don't feel bad okay? i know you guys don't know what to say to make me feel better, but i really do appreciate that you care & that's enough. (:

And special thanks to Alicia for talking to me for so long last night:PP Hehe awesome friend.

And to my dance partner for cheering me up on the train. (:

❤ "Leave." was Posted On: 9/23/2011 @8:44 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

CHANGE THE WORLD.

love this picture.

Hi everyone!

Im typing this with wet fingernails lol:PP just painted my nails red(:

not the demonic kind-of red though(:

Going for dance later and the committee positions will be announced....>.<

Sigh oh well i ain't getting my hopes up.

I've learnt not to expect much so i won't get too disappointed, especially in these areas.

As for school results all i can say is that improvement is definitely needed.

They weren't that bad but they weren't good either. :X

Anyway, i was listening to it's over by jesse mccartney just now.

He is sooo hot! :DDD

And so super talented & cute.

Though like most stars, he's probably a flirt.

Who cares? He's still cute as a star(:

Okay im gonna go off now.

My mum's distracting me by lying on my bed LOLS.

Kay bye people!

so don't be calling leaving messages don't wanna know where you've been

baby cause it's over

❤ "CHANGE THE WORLD." was Posted On: 9/21/2011 @2:25 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

CRAP DAY

Really feel like crap today.

I mean everything was all fine in the morning, and two phone calls just screwed it up.

Just feel like hiding underneath the blankets now and sleeping forever.

Don't feel like waking up:(

First, the agency called me to ask if i could work today, but i've got something on at night (i thought i did) so i said i couldn't (cause i already agreed right? ><)

Then after that i got phone call number two from yiling, saying she wasn't going to go for the BBQ anymore cause she found a job ._. thus leaving me in the position i'm in now.

Argh.

Just feel so sian lah.

Life really seems to suck now.

I really feel like going on this self-bashing session cause last night i was thinking about some things & i really feel like i'm the worst person><

I feel like i've done a thousand things i regret, now.

Sometimes i really, really hate myself.

I keep trying to fill my life up with everything else, everyone else, just to avoid facing the fact that the one thing i want back is gone.

It's not about not going anywhere today really, it's not about moodswings.

Its just i really feel like crap now.

Just ignore me:(

I'm just trying to vent my frustrations by blogging.

Some people are really irresponsible><

Sigh.

I don't want to say anymore, in case i get more frustrated.

Bye:(

❤ "CRAP DAY" was Posted On: 9/16/2011 @11:10 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

CIRCUS

Britney Spears's Cover Picture for CIRCUS. Isn't she hot? hahaha. XD

Hey everyone(:

Okay so just a short update on these two days.

We had dance voting on wednesday, some self-practice before that, cause teacher Sharon came after all. (:

It ended around 8 plus & the results will be out next week.

Fingers crossed!

And good luck to everyone who's applying(:

Had great fun with yl today, swimming at my house & she accompanied me to go see the chinese doctor.

I know, i seem to be seeing the doctor quite alot.

But apparently im pretty "weak" in some areas so i need to go see the doctor. Haha. :P

Hope i get well soon!

Probably will be going for a bbq tommorow with yl & her church friends too.

Get to know more people.

Haha. XD

Anyways i'm getting tired, so i'll explain the circus "theme" in the next post! Buhbyes^^

❤ "CIRCUS" was Posted On: 9/15/2011 @9:07 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

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