i've finally learnt to give up.
The whole time i just cared about having you by my side i was wasting my time.
You just seem different from the person i first knew.
You aren't the same anymore.
Sometimes i can see who you used to be, or rather who you really are.
But mostly thats just being covered by who you seem to be now.
And m' wondering, do they really know you or do i?
Are you that kind, sweet, responsible, caring guy i knew or are you just, not what i thought you were?
I dont know, cause you won't let me in anymore.
And i want a new life too.
But whatever it is, it doesnt matter anymore.
Cause im not gna care anymore bout trying to get you back into my life, i know its not going anywhere and really?
Im awfully burnt out from being hurt by every person i care about except my family.
Even a friend that i really care about?
Really?
C'mon.
Im tired of being there all the time and being at the mercy of someone i care about,
just cause i care and love someone doesnt mean they have that advantage.
It really hurts you know?
To be treated like that.
So please.
Don't do that.
You aren't the only one who's hurting.
Im sorry i can't help and understand.
But im in no position to help anyway.
So you have to takecare of yourself.

Anyway!
No more sad stuff for now.
Freshman OG camp is next week!!!
3 days 2 nights(:
Hope it goes awesomely well:D if that's a word.
Will blog more bout it when m' back from it.

byee

Hi peeps(;
didnt have much time to post yesterday, so here i am again.
Went to yl's house today.
Had fun there watching salt together(accompanied by little shrieks of, "angelina jolie is ssooooooo hottttt!!!")
By yl, of course, cause im not interested in WOMEN lol.
haha:D
But she is gorgeous, i love her style(:
Then after watching we went to look at a couple of videos.
We got bored after awhile, so went to the community centre at amk.
Going for church event tommorow, with family and yiling.
Sitting with sasa and her friends.
Seeyou guys when i've got more energy to blog.
Love ya.

Bye!

i don't know how i should feel.

today m gna say goodbye to my past.
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
LOL.
was bored.
blog more tmrw.
And yl?
I love you too. you're a awesome friend.
And sorry bout the arm.

Nights all(:

I've never been on the outside.

Hey guys(:
Today was fun, but right now i dont wanna talk bout it cause im tired.
Just blogging for fun.
And m' starting to feel that there are times when you desperately want to curse and sweat and scream your head off and yell and shout and slap someone and bitch at others, cause you just feel hurt and angry and lost and forgetful and confused and you don't know what to feel and in the end you just choose to be happy cause its the only thing you feel comfortable doing or rather, being.
So you just go about doing stuff you always do.
And it makes you happy to do just that i guess.
Aww crap my stomach suddenly feels crampy.
Shit man.

Gonna sleep now.

Why must you do this, really?
Go ahead.
In my mind, you aren't there anymore.
Just like how you treat me.

Live, Love, Laugh

hey hey((;
went to haji lane & orchard today with yiling.
awesome place man.
it was just sweet and everything there was so freaking awesome and vintage.
One word-epic.
:D
definitely the place to pick for some major poly-clothes shopping!
The joy(:
took quite many pictures, upload em some other day when yl sends em to my phone.
we took many pics with the signs there cause we did walk there in heels and it JUST ISN'T RIGHT IF WE DON'T.
hhmm.
anyway m' gna sleep now...
so update more tommorow.

byeeee

This post is meant for two people.
I've been thinking bout this awhile, long enough. so i decided to post this.

The first part is meant for the one who was first.
I just wanted to say im really sorry.
Whatever i did last year was really immature.
I should've never bothered with your affairs after we seperated.
They weren't my business anyway, and i don't know why i interfered then.
I think i was too angry and rash.
I wasn't thinking straight.
I know i should've said this long ago, its long due.
Due a year.
But i don't know how to say im sorry to you.
Its too random and weird.
So. I figured this'd be the best way to.
I've got nothing much more to say really, but to wish you all the best for your future endevours.
I know you think im still angry and pissed and never letting you go, but i have a long time ago.
Not saying that out of spite, but i think we both knew we just aren't right.
Maybe somewhat right, after 3 years, but it just isn't.
So, takecare, and good luck with everything. (:


The next part of this post is for you.
I don't think you'll ever read this.
I don't know if you've already forgotten i exist.
That we were once friends.
That you'd text me each night to tell me not to cry myself to sleep.
One message from you could make me smile, and i remember that first time in school that you waved hi to me.
You smiled so brightly, looking up at the stairs, as i walked down,
you waved to me.
I didn't even wave back, just gave you a slight smile, and almost fell down the steps(LOL), but i was like thinking, why the hell is my heart beating so damn fast.
That was then.
You still touch me like you did then.
No one else could take your place.
Every essay you write, shows me more about you.
That one essay you wrote kindof showed me the person you wanted to be.
It was sweet, though not perfect, but better than mine(: and it showed me you.
Those people only see the outside of you.
They don't know who's inside is someone i wanna take my lifetime to know.
But you've never given me that chance.
I don't blame you.
Not as much as i should, anyway.
Cause i think love isn't something that can be forced.
Anyway.
I havent seen you for like a month now since the last time we took a picture together.
I've begun to forget you and how i felt.
But i know if we're ever friends again.
I don't know how to forget then.
Cause no matter who i meet next time they're always gna get compared to you.
I know its my fault for bringing us to where we are today.
We can't even be normal friends and it hurts so damn much.
I miss our friendship.
I miss the long conversations and the way you look at me.
I thought trying to act like i care bout having an awesome social life would fill that hole,
but when it comes to the end of the day, you're still the one.
And it doesnt help that im a stupid cow that just runs away from problems when they're there.
I just want things back.
i want my life back.
I don't want to go to work and get scolded by my boss.
I wanna go to school.
I want to go back to december(the song lol. applies to us, if there's an us left.), when i had you by my side.

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