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Bloggingg-time. (:

Me in my awesomee dress. (;

Hi beeble i'm back(:

hahaha.

i took the "beeble" thing from annzy. :PP

Okay, just a short update on my life, then i've got to revise for WMP test on monday.

Wish me luck! (:

My grades have always been important to me, so i really hope i can get a GPA of 3.5 & above, for this semester.

I know the modules will probably just get a whole lot harder this semester but i hope my GPA will just get better & better!

I think, for now, my GPA should be about 3.5 or maybe more?

Not too sure, but i roughly estimated it. (:

hahaha.

Okay i really hope it is!

I hope somebody has woken up cause we're supposed to go out & she's coming over at 1 plus uh chiak yiling!!

Gonna play pool. Haven't tried it before so hope it's gonna be fun.

I miss dance like crazy!!

Haven't gone for like, 3 weeks now? Or is it 2 weeks?

I'm not too sure.

But it sure feels like it's been a long, long time since i've gone for practice.

:(((

I SUPER MISS IT.

Ahh well. Going back for self-practice next week anyway.

Anyway, for anyone who read my previous, previous post (which i'm not sure if people do but oh well:P)

I'm feeling much better now(:

I mean, there are still times when i wake up & everything is wrong & life feels like a real pain,

but on the whole, the number of days like that are decreasing.

I guess it's also due to the fact that i haven't seen him for 3 weeks or 2 weeks i guess?

That helps a little too.

There's a saying, "Out of sight, out of mind."

Well, he's not exactly out of my mind, cause sometimes i'll think of happy memories & i'll like smile to myself, then realize it's stupid & stop, but mostly i think i've realized there's no point of being miserable.

There's also no point of trying to make his or anyone else's life miserable i guess.

Though sometimes i really hope he'd understand & see things from my point of view.

I'm not doing anything to hurt you, you know.

I'm doing it for me.

I just want to move on, to get used to being without you.

And if i'm making you mad by doing that, i'm sorry.

But you're doing the same thing, even worse than me.

That's why sometimes i'm not even sure why i feel bad, still.

But anyway, i'm moving on i guess.

Time is a great healer. It's been slightly over a month, & i'm feeling better, too.

I used to wake up & the first thing i'd think of was you & then i'd remember i didn't have you anymore & i'd feel that sense of loss.

But now, i don't think of you first thing in the morning.

That doesn't mean i don't think bout you but it means i'm getting better i guess.

With everything takes time, & i think i'll probably get better someday. (:

Haha.

Oh well.

I don't think relationships are really my thing anyway.

I can really expect too much, which is what i've realized.

I tend to be more relieved when i'm not in one too.

Less commitment i guess.

Guess i'm just scared of liking someone too much i guess, which puts me in positions like

"THE ABOVE"

so well.

No more commitments till i meet someone who'll be the right one.

And if there's no right one, i'm fine with just dating too. (:

Sad i know, but not everyone meets the right one.

Okay, yl still hasn't answered my phone calls! T.T

I hope she isn't sleeping.

I can't wait to wear my heels later. Hehehe.

Okay im really, really gonna do wmp now!

Bye everyone:D

Love,

❤ "Bloggingg-time. (:" was Posted On: 8/27/2011 @11:33 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

For my best friend.

Hey, i know you've probably found lots of new friends now, & so have i.

Maybe there's more to say with them than there is with me,

i think we both know we're drifting apart.

I think if i never call you u'll probably call me.

That's kindof sad, but its life i guess.

People move on, and stuff.

Its normal, i guess. (:

But my point of writing this post is not to make you feel guilty or anything, but rather its to let you know you'll always be one of my best friends no matter what.

Even if you've already moved on its okay i guess(:

I used to feel sad about these things but i think now i've finally realized its just all part & parcel of life.

And if you ever need me, i'll be here(:

Drifting apart doesn't always mean we'll fade away from each other's lives.

I won't forget my best friend so easily & i hope you won't forget me too yeah?

No matter how much we've changed i still care about you as my friend(:

Hahas alright i shall end my post here & i hope you read this!

Love,

❤ "For my best friend." was Posted On: 8/17/2011 @10:00 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

Hey guys i'm backkkk

What I do during project breaks, apparently.

The picture above was taken during one of my more "relaxing" breaks from doing projects at home. Apparently, the macbook's 4 shot thing's pretty fun. I don't really use it anymore though, partly because i'm lazy and i hate my pimples, so i can't really be bothered to take any pictures of late. (:

Well, i actually went to read my own blog posts just now and I was like, whoa, I must have not blogged for a pretty long period of time huh? Shocking really...whatever I blogged about then is really different from what i've got to say right now. Back then i was still talking about someone and now i'm not even mad at him anymore, it's way over. I wonder if in a year's time 'll look back again and realize that whatever I'm talking about now or i will be talking about is of absolutely no significance to me at all. Oh well, i'd rather not know the future most of the time i guess. Cause then i'd see what was "definitely" gonna happen to me, and i would make that happen. (This is something like what cx said right?) It's totally true and makes sense.

Oh well, enough of that. (:

It's already july now, 25 of july. I've done everything i said i would in my last couple of blog posts, and well, things have changed, as usual. I've been to gold coast, i've taken part in the dance com (even though i didn't win anything, but at least i gave it a shot uh?) and now it's just plain old boring school time, with a huge tons of ca2s which, for some modules, we've already completed and for some others we haven't.

WMP ca2 is this week, I really hope i can do well for it and "make a comeback" considering how my previous score for WMP was. :( I dread thinking about how things will be, if i don't.

Okay, moving on to the next topic (away from studies!! :D muhahahaha).

Friends have been alright as usual, i love my clique^^

There've been some class politics but i hope they will come to an end soon (i think they already have actually), since we'll all be together for the next 3 years yeah? (:

Either than that, everything's normal i suppose.

Everything, except for you i guess.

I really didn't expect things to turn out this way to be honest, the last thing i wanted was for us to end up like this. I know i always say that, but this time i really didn't think it would be for such a short time. Sigh. So much for us being so compatible and stuff, like i was always thinking. And it wouldn't hurt so much if we could just be good friends still. Now, we're like not even friends? I sure don't feel like we are. I don't have the courage to face you, and it's not because we broke up. Sure, that hurt alot.

I still replay in my mind how i felt when it happened. It hurt alot more than i thought it would,

and not because i was pushing myself to feel that pain. It really just hurt, and i remember i couldn't go to sleep at all, i only slept for like 2 to 3 hours that night, and i wanted to go to the kitchen and get myself some wine so i could fall asleep, but i couldn't find it, which really pissed me off cause i couldn't even drown my sorrows just for that night and pretend nothing happened.

I remember taking a pill of fedac instead, to knock myself out but still i couldn't sleep at first and i cried and cried and no matter what the tears didn't stop and eventually i fell asleep cause of the medicine. And i remember waking up and realizing, oh my gosh this is really happening and the first thing i'd thought to myself was, "somebody pinch me. Pinch me, tell me this is a nightmare. I need to wake up, i want to wake up." That was 2 weeks ago, i think. And no one has woken me up, no one has told me this is a nightmare. To be precise, my nightmare is just getting worse and worse, because now everything between us is so strained and i feel so lost and awkward and angry, too, because i don't know why you're doing this to me.

People keep saying i should just stop blaming myself for every thing that's happened, but how can i not? I said you're doing this to me. But really inside i'm blaming myself, because i keep thinking this is all my fault and so's a lot of other stuff that's happened. I hate myself, sometimes, even though i don't want to be anyone else. Because really, who do i have to blame except me for expecting anything?

I don't know what to feel. I know, you've moved on. You know just how much i'm hurting, and you're not helping at all. And sure, people would say stuff like "its not like you guys have been together for long anyways why do you hurt so much?" but i can tell everyone of them that sometimes, time isn't an issue.

Sure, i know very well that being together with someone for a long time then breaking up can hurt a lot, considering how i've done that before. But i know that back then, when i broke up with him, what i missed was being in a relationship. It took me a couple of months to get over him, but when i broke up with him, i was mostly relieved cause we had been together for so long and i was so tired of holding on. This time, i just felt broken. i just felt like i had lost something, and even now i feel empty inside, like i don't know what can fill me up again.

Find someone else, some would say. But really, i don't want to find anyone else. I don't want to get back together, because of how you've changed. Or is it that you were like this all along and i just didn't know?

I don't know.

But whatever it is, i'm feeling horrible now.

And yet, i've to put on a brave front because if i show how i'm falling apart on the inside, i'll fall apart on the outside, too.

Sometimes even if you know it's for the best, it's still not easy to "just let go".

So 'll take my time, i guess.

Sigh, time to go bathe.

Bye everyone(: please ignore my emo crap if it's a little scary (don't read those parts!)

❤ "Hey guys i'm backkkk" was Posted On: 7/25/2011 @7:55 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

Hurt.

I can't believe that m' blogging again so soon.

Well, i've quite a lot to say today i guess.

Everything that's happening in my life right now makes me realize how angry with you i still am.

And you know what?

Maybe its my fault, for putting my heart out there previously and letting you crush it into little pieces.

But really, do you even give a shit about how i feel?

How anyone else who fell for you before felt?

You have no idea how much of me you've taken away because of what you did.

And you know what's the worst part?

You still WANT to do it over and over again.

You don't care that i feel like you have ruined me for good.

I won't ever be the same person i ever was before.

Thank you.

Honestly, thanks a lot.

You taught me that idiots like you are liars.

I tried to be nice to you.

I thought you would finally be normal and polite when we talked, but you didn't ever bother to do that.

And really, i'm long over you.

But because of you, I don't even dare to think about relationships anymore.

They scare me, because I don't want to be hurt ever again.

Every time I want to fall in love, I back off.

I ruin things.

I over-think, because I'm convinced everything will go wrong, everything I do isn't right.

And m' afraid that everyone is just going to end up like you.

I'm scared.

I've become so paranoid that when i look in the mirror, I can hardly recognize myself.

Where's the girl that would never give up hope?

Where's the person that would take challenges and face em' straight in their face?

I don't know who i am now.

The smallest things make me want to cry.

I don't even know why.

I keep thinking things are wrong, even when they aren't.

I don't know how to move on.

I don't know what to do.

How to pick myself up again.

The more i try to protect myself, the more it hurts me.

And you will never be sorry for everything you've done.

Honestly, do me a favor.

Stop talking to me.

Leave me alone.

Get out of my life since you're not supposed to be in it anymore.

This you can do right?

It might ease my pain a little.

Thanks.

❤ "Hurt." was Posted On: 6/24/2011 @5:26 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

Updates on my life:P

Hi everyone!(:

Im back to blogging again...haha i think m' not really a good blogger(according to proper standards) because my blogging is pretty inconsistent.

Anyway, I'm really doing this because I can't really think of anything else I'd rather do now, except maybe to punch certain people (because of something that happened), but since I can't do that, I'll settle for this. :P

This is the final week of our holiday, in poly.

The first term was a little rough I suppose, since I'm still not accustomed to the system and the group projects and all.

But overall, it was a good learning experience and i'm really glad that my class is so awesome^^, with funny & cute people LOL.

That's a pretty important thing really, if you take into consideration the number of projects we have.

We have no exams really, which is why I have the time for blogging because I'm not studying for MST, which is the mid-semester test that everyone else is taking except DTVM students.

HAHAHAHAS. We're awesomee:DDD

AHH i love my class^^

Some of the modules are pretty challenging though.

I've realized m' pretty weak in photoshop-.-

Visual Comm damnit. :(

Also, I thought WMP (writing across media platforms) would be a module I'm really good at,

but the test proved me wrong. -.-

That's just sad...m' still trying to improve my summary skills, which when i think bout it carefully, I was never all that good at summarizing stuff.

But i'll work on it i guess.

What other choice do I have, really?

Well, enough about work. More about my cca, dancesport! :D

I've been practicing quite alot for the competition this saturday.

Freaking nervous, really.

But I really want to gain experience and I think that by taking part this time I should be able to achieve that.

I'm going for dance practice later, anyway.

It's just normal practice, with stretching:P On wednesdays, it's stretching, on thursdays, it's the partner dance.

So far, it's pretty fun i guess.

Though I'm feeling slightly tired right now.

Going for an appointment later..hope it goes alright. :X

Alright, i've blogged enough for a day.

Bye! XD

❤ "Updates on my life:P" was Posted On: 6/22/2011 @10:19 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

swore that i'd never let you back in.

you'd think that by now i'd know, cause here we go, go again.

can't be with or without you.

HEY GUYS I AM HERE AGAIN!!!

After what seems like forever right....:(

Just didn't have time to blog i guess.

And honestly I didn't have all that much to say. :P

Well, an update on recent events:

1. I joined dancesport(: Its tiring, but the dance is pretty fun, so i guess i'll be staying on with stefanie, MY DANCE PARTNER:D

hahas.

anyway.

2. There've been many projects and assignments lately, that are pretty tiring i guess. But the hml(heroes, myths & legends) project is over, thank God for that. right now we're still left with DT & VC(which honestly, i don't even want to think about.) I mean c'mon, photoshop exam?>.<

No thanks man. :(

3. I'll be going Gold Coast in the june hols, which are next week, thank God!!!! XD ahhh i can't wait. Last time I didn't appreciate Melbourne & Sydney enough, this time I will.

It's gna be awesome just getting away from S'pore for awhile. XD The weather's been too hot recently.

Well...either than that life's been fine recently i guess.

It's not perfect, but it's not that bad i guess.

I know that 've been pretty sensitive lately, and that's stupid, but right now m' really just trying to not care. It's like, what am I supposed to do? I don't care in that way, but that doesn't mean I don't care as a friend. And I can draw the lines between both just fine, but I don't know why everything is just so freaking upsetting right now. Its like the more upset I get, the more I push you away.

It's like the same, damn thing over and over again.

And honestly, m' freaking sick and tired of caring.

Why do i EVEN BOTHER.

Sigh.

On top of that shit, there are some other issues that are really bothering me, though not much.

But m' not gonna talk bout it here i suppose.

Sigh.

Words that can't be said, things that aren't supposed to be felt.

Oh well.

Sometimes I just wish someone would get it. Cause right now, I don't even get it.

❤ "swore that i'd never let you back in." was Posted On: 5/23/2011 @12:57 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

The start of something new

HI GUYS!

IM BACKKKKKKK:D

After not posting like forever.

Actually i wasn't really intending to post anymore, but m' sitting in the hilltop library now dying of boredom.

Cx's playing with his mouse:P

LOL.

He doesnt know im writing this despite the fact that i think m' looking pretty suspicious.

hahaha.

Anyway.

School has been great so far.

lessons are interesting,

people in my class seem nice:D

And i've made some awesome friends(:

The system's definitely different from secondary school though(:

We've been learning bout the media in like every class, including Gen-ed, which is general education.

Its alright i guess, but i prefer my other lessons.

After all, i chose em' right?

haha.

I can't wait to choose my cca soon:D

Right now m' considering dancesport and photography club.

Maybe i'll join the christian fellowship club too.

Not exactly sure yet, so i suppose i'll just wait for the CCA fair.

Pity no one in class wants to join dance with me:(

But it's alright..i'll just go myself i guess.

Anyway i am getting pretty sick of blogging right now so i'll just sign off here!

Blog again soon.

BYESS PEOPLE(:

Love you!

❤ "The start of something new" was Posted On: 4/25/2011 @1:01 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

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